I was running on stress and calling it discipline.
I found an old screenshot on my phone.
It’s from my WHOOP, back when I trained every single day. That morning my recovery was 28%, and the app had a card at the top telling me to prioritize recovery.
I pushed my strain to 17.1 anyway.
Some days, hitting my number took 2 to 3 hours in the gym. I needed the number to tell me I’d done enough.
The thing is, the gym was my happy place first. For a few years, it saved me. I mean that.
Before CrossFit, I’d had 2 shoulder surgeries and hadn’t recovered well. I had 4 young kids and a difficult marriage, and I was running on empty.
The first time I walked into a CrossFit gym, I couldn’t lift my right arm above my head.
I stepped inside, saw a shirtless, super sweaty guy at the desk by the door, and walked right back out.
I tried again a few days later.
And I found a second family.
People who celebrated each other, even with the tiniest of wins. Who showed up for themselves and for each other every day. All of us working toward the same thing: feeling strong.
My shoulder gradually got better. After 12 weeks, I could join a normal group class.
2 years later, I was doing ring muscle-ups.
CrossFit taught me that I could do hard things. Things I never thought would be possible.
And that confidence carried over outside the gym. The stronger I got, the stronger I felt as a whole person, and the more I stood up for myself at home.
Somewhere along the way, the gym became my outlet for everything. I trained every day. Class, then extra work for hours.
If I didn’t, I couldn’t sleep at night.
I couldn’t sit still. I hardly even warmed up. Always working on something new, something harder, something better.
That’s the woman in the screenshot, pushing to 17.1 strain on a morning the app told her to prioritize recovery. I was chasing strain to escape my real life. Training was how I coped, but I didn’t have words for it back then.
Then, all at once, my marriage was over. And all I did was sleep.
Outside of taking my kids to school and picking them up, I slept all day. I didn’t work out. I couldn’t go to work. I was just so tired.
It was like my body had forgotten how to do anything else.
In the months after, I tried so hard to get back to what I knew as normal life. But it didn’t work. Nothing I used to do made sense anymore.
I’d spent years running on stress, and now I was trying to figure out how to live without that driving everything.
I had to make a change. So I sold my house, moved across the country to LA, and started to rebuild.
That’s part of why I built Rise Unstuck. I’m still putting the pieces together every day.
I still work out too, and I still love it. Some days I lift. Some days I walk. Some days I don’t do anything at all but dance in the kitchen while cleaning up.
I like moving and sweating, but these days the WHOOP score is one piece of information.
I no longer need 17.1 strain to tell me I’ve done enough.
Alex Maxwell is a nutrition and stress recovery coach, a certified menopause coach, and the founder of Rise Unstuck. She helps women build the habits that hold when life is full, so a hard week stops meaning another Day 1.
She drinks her water before her coffee. Most days.